You work out of a Hotel?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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