Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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