he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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