Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
