Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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