life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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