Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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