The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
