I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
