Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize