there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
