i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
