You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
