How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
