I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
