She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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