my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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