Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever