i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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