If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice