WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...