Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
