I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had to cum in my sink.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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