he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
