the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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