I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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