When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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