Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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