:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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