But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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