I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
