I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
