i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
