i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
