I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
