We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
