I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
