I heard we made out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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