I want to stick my p in your. b.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
