I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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