i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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