so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
