I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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