Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
