I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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