lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
