Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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