Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
