I bet he comes in French.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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