I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
