I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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