Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
