Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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