John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
