It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
