I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
