She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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