I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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