I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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