im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
