I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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