You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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