HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
