I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
