We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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