So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're a waste of cheezeits
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
