Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
