um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
