I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
