mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
