you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
