Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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