Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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