I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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