I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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