We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
