I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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