She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
