1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
