end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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