hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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