dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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