plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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