hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
