so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I could fuck to npr.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
