I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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