My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
