why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
